My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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