You're so nebulous sometimes
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
