I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
