Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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