Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
