You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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