A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
