I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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