Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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