went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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