sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
