Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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