So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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