if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
