i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Someone signed my nipple.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
