I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
