Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
