There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
