I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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