oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
