my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
