Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
