I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
