I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
