What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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