she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
