I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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