Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
