why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
