I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
