I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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