What did we do last night that was yellow?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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