I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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