I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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