that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
