Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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