Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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