laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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