He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
