The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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