I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
