i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
