Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
