my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
