Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
