He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
