i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
