I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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