that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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