Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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