were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So much Jack, so little girl.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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