I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
