my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it's great music for shaving your balls
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
