So drunk its hurt
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
