So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
