Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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