It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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