his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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