checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
