walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
