# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
