i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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