He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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