Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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