chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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