I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
