I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
