OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
