Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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