I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
