Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
