what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
