dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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