i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He passed out mid-signature
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
