I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
