I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
