Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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