At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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