Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
