shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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